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[13 Nov 2006|01:42am] |
There's this feeling in my stomach and i know it's right.
In my head, mind, and heart.
I know it's right.
I just do.
Terry is cheating on me, again.
He always does this. Like...we get really really really close and he gets me to open up and say shit that I shouldn't then he just stops everything.
I fucking hate it.
i know he's with Katt again.
All I can do is cry.
And all I can do is hate myself for letting this happen again.
I love him.
More than any other boy; he means so fucking much to me.
He's all i talk about. He's all I think about. He's like my everything.
How fucking pathetic am I?
We say we have this love that's like...we say so much shit. And we know we're perfect. Or I say it...and i mean. he does, he's the one that brings it up. I don't get it.
There's no way to explain it.
But here I am. 938904830 miles away from him because stupid bands and record labels and stupid shit.
I'm stuck here. I can't see what he does, I can't be with him.
Why do we even try?
And he said he was going to come down here and suprise me one day with Justin, but fuckkk. He probably lied about that like he said he was done with Katt.
But hey.
I know, I'm not gorgeous like her.
And i'll never be the type of girl he wants.
I'm too weird.
I have my own mind and i'm not going to change.
Maybe I'm not scene/hardcore enough, which is okay with me.
I like being myself.
I just wish he wouldn't say "you're the love of my life".
Because obviously, he doesn't mean it.
Let alone I've been worrying about him.
I have no more family left.
My brother disowned me and told me to get my shit i had at his house out of there and never to talk to him again.
Because of something that isn't my fault, but if that's the way he feels obviously he was never my real fucking family. He pretty much ...i'm done with him. He kicked me out of his house, he's been telling me i've fucked him his entire life. I'm glad to be done with him. I love him, but obviously...I honestly don't know.
My mother was kicked out of her apartment.
and has no money.
and she's crazy.
and she's staying at a motel.
what am i to do?
she calls me.
I have no money. I don't know how i'm going to fucking pay for my cell phone bill this month.
she can't stay with me. this house i'm staying at now. this room isn't even a room; it's like...got a futon i use for a bed and it.ajkfda; fuck it.
but god. all this makes me..
i just hate everything.
i'm easily agitated
i just want...
something good to happen.
before it didn't matter that this shit hap pened because someone was there for me at least one person.
i miss terrance grey rodriguez.
i'm looking for a new boy.
i'll go through a few until i find the right one.
though to be honest.
the ones i like aren't ever faithful.
they usually just piss me off.
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[11 Jun 2006|03:39pm] |
So. I talk about Matt a lot now.
Well, not a lot. Okay, maybe a little.
But he's perfect.
Swear to fucking god. [:
He's had a cruddy past.
He was...well, he was molested as a kid and he was beaten as a kid. And he just got in a car accident last year and he's in crutches...Ohh, i feel so bad for him. But..he's like amazing. He's always so positive and he never gets mad. D:FJ: :D:D:D::D:D:D::D:D:D:D
And errr. Oh, he is kind of sensitive. And he's not a perv. Not that that's bad, I like him because he's not a perv. ^___^ He's so innocently perfect. AHCK.
Even when I get mad at boys...I just think "oh, doesn't matter. I have matt"
hahaha. ^_^;;;;;;
But it's not really true.
Oh well.
Me and Matt=best friends. ^______^
He's just kind of a perfect best friend that I'd like to hug a lot.
Sucha happy boy.
No nut sack punching him. He's different. Really different.
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[01 Mar 2006|04:05pm] |
I love all of you. Yes, all of you.
I deleted all of you because this is a new journal.
This journal isn't like the rest of my other ones. I won't keep anything back...
When I wrote elite.
Everyone that I know on lj is elite.
You all are.
:]
Don't be pissed at me. I wasn't trying to make myself sound like I'm better than anyone.
I'm not.
You all mean the most to me.
I'm just saying. You probably might not like this journal and the fact that...I don't want anyone on it that will be disturbed by it..and the fact that they'll never want to comment.
With that said....
I apologize for making some of you mad and I truly didn't mean it to make myself sound like I'm kick ass.
Though to be honest. We all know I am.
-cough-
Not really.
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| Friend's Only |
[01 Mar 2006|12:34am] |
Friends only
Don't add me if you're easily disgusted or you haven't read my info page.
Don't bitch at me. This is my fucking journal. Don't think you can handle it. Suck my wangchung.
Edit:Old friends. I deleted all of you because this journal is much more different than any other journal I've had. Read my infopage. :]
I love you all, just I don't want you to be grossed out/annoyed with the new journal.
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[09 Jan 2006|09:04pm] |
This is an anonymous post.
Well..post for you to comment.
WTF?
I don't make sense.
Bored, go ahead and write something mean/nice/random/don't care you could comment about how small your boobs or penis is..and I'd be like cool.
So chya. Do it anonymously...
E>
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